Just to survive
by Sors
Summary: The Black Mages might have their chance at living longer, but it's at the expense of Gaia. Survival of the fittest, might be true, but what side can Zidane possibly choose to defend? Or who could change the final outcome? R
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I don't own final fantasy 9, or anything else. Suing me would be pointless, because you would loose money... That would be all, feel free to skip my crapy poem. *points at poem* 

Hatred and disgust,

the pain that I have seen.

They twirl within my soul,

and make me beg to breathe.

My bones are to old to hold up my skin,

and my life to long to live.

Call me wisdom,

call me will.

I am not vital,

I am not shell.

Nor hollowed husk by time,

nor demon so divine.

Call me what you will,

Call me what you shall.

I am no mimicking mime.

* * *

Blood flowed from his lips, softly he rubbed it with his white draped arm. A shadow in the distance caught his eye, and a pair shinning eyes to go with. But they vanished in the darkness, like all things did. Like his memories, and his life. So far in the past they rested. Back in a world that lived without him All alone, without lover or or siblings dear. 

His feet carried him farther on his painful path. He'd find his way, for if he couldn't his other half might never live. He owed him everything....**Everything**.

"Maybe I'm just desperate. Maybe I'm just wishing, Maybe I'm just hoping...." The man muttered. Burning the vines away with fire that rushed forth from his hands. He turned for a moment to look at the floating golden hared youth behind him, and sighed. "Doesn't matter if I live. This world has no use for me now." He shook his head, and continued on, walking then burning, then walking again. 

His path was slow, his world was green. And somewhere far below was a poison, and it could kill, with just the sweep of it's hand. The way behind him closed as quick as the path before him opened. In the end he would find his light at the end of the tunnel. Then he would go back, and let this world devour him. 

"Tis the way it must be little brother." He said looking back on the golden one. "Don't worry about your Gaia, I'll take care of it for you." And the light finally flooded through the tunnel. "Goodbye Zidane." 

Zidane floated on past him, and into the foot steps of another, golden haired creature much like him. She looked up almost startled. "Take care of him." He said, wiping more blood from his mouth. 

She looked down at Zidane, and then back up. "Come with me Kuja. Garland told you his half truths, you know he did. They will understand in time." She spoke.

"Gaia has no time. Take care of him Mikoto, and do not tell him the truth. Let him be spared, let him forget it." 

"He'll have his answers, I can't hold them from him." She spoke, her words becoming more and more emotional. 

"Then don't tell him that I lived. His heart is too good, he thinks people can forget. So do you, people never forget..." He trailed off, and looked once more up towards the sky. "Tell the their leader, that the Mist does deteriorate, and to live they must devour. That is the answer they wanted."

"Who?" She asked tilling her head ever so slightly. 

"My puppets." He said, then turned back to the vines and roots of the tree. He could hear her say something, but did not bother to listen. He no longer need the comforts of life. Garlands lies and truths no longer mattered. They made no difference to him now, not as he walked to the place he had never seen himself going. Zidane, Mikoto, not even Garland.... None of them need know, none of them need live life with this burden. It was the punishment for his final crimes. 

Deep within the tree still lived. There the two planets converged and transformed into one another. Though Terra was now dead, a simple husk that would soon fall apart, the souls of Terra still lived. They lived now on the edge of Terra and the tree. 

Limbo, so one might speak...

These souls must now leave behind their dreams of paradise on Terra behind. And start their work anew on Gaia. If they did dare to go that far, if they did triumph where he and Garland had failed them... Then Zidane might some day come again, to see and be in paradise that his soul had never gained on Terra. 

Yet doubt of his works still rested... It festered within him. Terra still lay out among the stars. It was still possible for Terra to be revived, for the souls to grab up what was left... It this was so, then Terra would bring them paradise much sooner, even at its high cost. 

* * *

Mikoto watched the bed stir. Then a form arise from it and promptly knock it's head on the bed above it. "Damn." A voice whispered out into the darkness and moonlight. 

"Shouldn't have risen so quickly from your place." She said, monotone.

"Mikoto?" The voice asked out.

"That's correct... Zidane." She added in as an after thought.

"Where is Kuja? Have you seen him? What happened?" He asked hastily. 

"Kuja is dead in the Iifa Tree." She responded with out feeling. 

Zidane stayed silent. "He teleported you out and asked me to come for you. He is dead." She told him, she was as good a half-truth teller as Garland. 

"Oh..." He hissed out as he fell back into the bed. "I guess I should have known... It's just that I was so sure that Garland was lying..."

"Garland has told many lies. What he told to Kuja was the truth." She answered.

"Alright..." He looked out the window next to the bed. "I'm guessing that I'm in the Black Mage Village...?" 

"I brought you here. It was the closest place by flying in the invincible." She paused, but before Zidane could place in his own words. "Several of us walked there to retrieve it before the tree devoured it. While there Kuja contacted me." She saw Zidane's hair glint a little, it told her that he was nodding. "I shall leave you know, with your thoughts." She stood, not moving the chair behind her, and left the room. A few boards creaking after her. 

Zidane knew that she as well as Kuja could read him like a book. It was one of the reasons he really hadn't had much luck in pounding Kuja into the grounds like he had intended to. He should ask Mikoto some time to teach him how to do that. Read minds and talk to other genomes... 

His entire body felt like it had been smashed. Which it had of course... His head felt groggy, a little disconnected from his body, so to speak. He thought about Dagger, then about her song. And for some odd reason it helped to place his thoughts away. It let him sleep... 

* * *

His dream was a nightmare. With monsters and sirens calling out in the sounds he had heard when he had fought Necron. The sound of thousands of tormented souls screaming out. One of the screamers stepped out, Dagger, and she started to hum to the melody. Then the screaming stopped, and they too started to sign.

And then next thing he knew, she was standing before him. Saying words over and over again... Promise me... Promise me... 

But instead of promising her he was screaming, and screaming no... He glared at her and pushed her out of his way. 

Without warning the world around him changed, and he was riding a dragon out of Burmecia, he was enslaving Bahamut with the Invincible and turning it on Dagger's mother. He was summoning Bahumut on Alexandria. He was telling the Black Mages that there was no way to continue their lifespan... It was he who was the villain, and Kuja the hero... Just as it could have been, in some other place where the what if's became real. 

His eyes popped open and he turned onto his side. Wondering why he had ever dreamt such things... 

* * *

Mikoto sat back in the newly made bar. It was slowly becoming her favorite place. She had her own little spot, right up against a window which looked out on the near by stream. She could only just hear the trickling water over the chatter of the bar. It was nice here.

She was still wondering how to break the news to the Black Mages. But first she need someone to decrypt the message. Kuja was rather confusing, even when he wasn't trying to be. Looking up she waved at Mr. 288, the most intelligent mage here, and possibly the only one she could truly stand. 

He sat down across from her and nodded. "You asked me to meet you Mikoto." A statement not a question.

"When I collected Zidane from the Iifa Tree, he was not alone.... Kuja had been with him, he told me something that I think you will find quite interesting." She said.

"...Kuja..." The mage said, it was still rather odd for her to believe that Kuja had created all of these mages. "What did he say?" 

"He told me that if you want to survive, you must devour? That the mist deteriorates... I do not know if this gives you any hint as to what is going on..." She stopped, allowing the mage to ponder this. 

"I do know what he was talking about... Odd how things always turn for the worst..." He said looking at his staff, letting it twirl in his fingers.

"Might you elaborate?" 

"The Mist... It's the reason we stop. So I suspected, Kuja has just conformed my suspicions. It slowly leaves us, it deteriorates and when to much of it is gone, we stop." He let out a sigh.

"So it would mean that you must devour Mist?" She asked.

"So it would seem... However that would entail that the Iifa Tree was still giving off Mist.... That is indeed impossible, and since Mist is the drags of souls... How many of us would we willing to start eating a once living soul, simply to live?" He shook his head. "I will consider this, however Mikoto if that is the only way, I would rather stop." 

"What about preventing the Mist from deteriorating?" She asked firmly.

"I have no knowledge on how one might do that..." He stood. "I am still willing to go with you to the Desert Palace when Zidane recovers... Perhaps one of his old records might help with our problem." With that he nodded and left.

_He never has any hope... Must have been some very depressed soul drags that went into him. _Mikoto thought, before taking another sip of the water before her, and asking for a glass to take to Zidane.

**A/N: **Okay, first chapter on this, please review and tell me what you think! See any mistakes, tell me about them, I'm the worst at checking my fics -.- In any case.... Yay. ^.^ Don't have anything else to say.... oh wait! I'll have chappie two for Isidore and Mr. 485 up by the end of this week! So enjoy!!! 

Email me- Sors_x@yahoo.com 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I don't own Final Fantasy 9, the characters or the places, however I do own the idea to this here story! Please enjoy this chapter!

**Just to survive**

Zidane's eyes quite literally popped open. He sat up with a start, his head slightly hitting the bottom of the bunk in front of him. He fell back down, and pulled his hand free of the sheets. Slowly rubbing his forehead. 

"I didn't see that coming." A mage chorused from his right. "I didn't think you'd be able to move at all!" 

Zidane blinked, his eyes slowly unfuzing, and his head pounding. He looked over at the mage sitting there, he looked roughly like a block of black red and blue, with two yellow dots. "Neither did I." He remarked, surprised by how clear his voice sounded. 

"I'm going to go tell Mikoto!" The mage said, the yellow dots disappearing for a moment, then flashing back as the mage blinked. 

"Alright..." He said, as the mage slightly wobbled out of the room. _By the looks of it I'm still in the Black Mage Village... I still don't really understand what happened, how did I get out? Something about all this is wrong, Mikoto was lying, I know it! _He thought to himself, it was odd but some how he could feel it. 

_Kind of like how I could feel where Kuja wa... _He stopped, something hit him dead on. He could still feel where Kuja was. Somewhere far away to the top right of where he was right then. He could also feel that Mikoto was slowly moving towards him, she was to the lower left, only a few feet away. He shook his head. _Kuja was at the Ifia Tree, maybe I'm just feeling where he died, not Kuja himself... _

The door to the room clinked opened, letting in some soft candle light. Which really seem to bright. "I hear you hit your head again." She said, almost sounding cheerful about it. 

He sighed, "Yeah... I forgot about last time." He mumbled.

"Oh." She said. "How are you feeling?" 

"Alright, my eyes aren't focusing and I think the knock on the head hurts some. Oh and I'm hungry too!" He said hoping he'd get some room service. Mikoto did as he hoped and turned to look at the mage, giving him a nod. He scurried out of the room. 

"Myself and a few other mages are planning to go out to the Desert Palace here in a week. Mr. 288 is coming with us, I would like it if you would also come." She remarked sounding slightly interested in the event. 

"Uh... Okay, do I get to ask why though?" 

"We are hoping that we might find some material on the Black Mages. As you know Vivi has lived for quite some time. However he has already lived beyond a year, unlike most of the mages. We hope to find out why." She paused. "Vivi is currently the only one out of your friends who knows your alive... He thought it best not to tell them that you were." 

"Hun?" Zidane asked quietly. "Why is that?" 

"According to him Garnet needs badly to go back to ruling her country. They all have many things they need to continue on with, he thinks that right now you'll only throw them off track...?" She pause as if sensing his confusion. "You can talk to him latter, he's going to be coming back here within the week. He wants to go to the Palace also." 

"Yeah..." _Why the hell would my return make things worse. Vivi has a tone of explaining to do... _

The mage reentered the room carrying a blow, with little parts of steam floating out of it. He gave Zidane a considerate nod, and placed the blow on the table near the bed. After glancing back at Mikoto one last time he left. 

"Well eat up.. Brother, and come out when you feel better, I'll be at the grave yard with Mr. 288." She said, as she stood and walked out of the room.

Zidane sighs, so much was suddenly flowing through his brain. Like this strange new connection to where both Kuja and Mikoto where. Vivi's odd idea that no one should know he was alive. Mikoto's little lies, and the most interesting of all... The trip to The Desert Palace. 

* * *

Garnet's finger flipped through the pages of the book, she looked at the numbers, then added them to a sheet of paper. She stared down at the paper. This was bad. "How can we even hope to rebuild this city and not go into a depression. The solders, material, workers! Ug..." She said staring at the paper. 

Beatrix nodded from her right, even though paper work was not her thing she had volunteered to help Garnet the moment she had seen it. Steiner taking over her duties. From her left Dr. Tot, fingered through some old record books, he was lost to deep in them to even hear the Queen. 

"Your majesty the shipment for Iron from Treno just came in. We paid them and they are leaving now. Here are the balances." The man said handing about four sheets of yellowish paper in front of her. She stared at it for a moment then flipped all the way to the total, and sighed. 

"They told us under the circumstances they would give us a discount, so long as we buy only from them, and not from Burmecia." He told her with a bow. 

"Well that's an extra forty hundred thousand that we can spend..." She smiled, then looked over at Beatrix knowing the general would say something. 

"I'm going to need twenty thousand of that to cover some of the citizens funds, and another twenty to cover solider wages." But she was still smiling. "However that still leaves us..." 

Dr. Tot who had seemed not to be listening rattled the numbers off for her. "Three hundred sixty thousand gill, and I'm going to need sixty thousand of that for workers pay on the castle." He paused looking down at a few more books. "We'll be needing another shipment of white marble here by next month. That extra three hundred thousand should take care of that bill." He said with a nod. 

"Oh..." Garnet sighed, and looked around the room. "Beatrix me and Tot will take care of the rest for today, how about you tell the kitchens to make us something for dinner." 

"Of course." She stated with a salute, and then walked back out of the room. 

Tot nodded and looked after her as she closed the door. "I hate to have her help us like this, she's just not one for books." He stated.

"I know, but she feels like she needs too. Besides, it's better than putting her on pointless patrols. I don't think there is anyone left to attack and even if some assassin did come for me she'd be right here ready to take him out." Garnet said with a laugh. "I think we're going to have a good year in taxes don't you Tot?" 

"Yes I do believe we will... You still need to appoint a new king for Treno. Since the last one is now gone." He said with a slight tone. 

"Yes... Tot, do you know who the last one was?" She asked curiously. 

"I believe it was Kuja." He said, trying to be easy on the subject. 

"Oh." Was her only reply. 

* * *

He pulled his hand to his mouth, it was so easy to feel the blood dripping through his fingers. Running down his arm and dying his clothes white. His breathing came out in short hisses, and his legs could barely hold him. Finally he stumbled into the control panel. 

_I... Just need... To set this up... Then the Invincible... Can be controlled and... _His free hand stumbled over the keys, typing in passwords and slowly diving into the system of the old Terrain computer. His eyes were slowly becoming blurry. Their was darkness on the edges of his vision.

It didn't take long for the last of the keys to be punched. Once done he sent out his final message to the Invincible. It was far away from him, near Zidane and Mikoto. But he knew that the ship responded. So slowly he sunk into floor. 

The green lakes around him slowly started to rise, as if they we're growing. It wasn't long before Kuja's own body lay beneath a pool of green. 

How ever their was another interesting factor, the liquid below, was slowly turning blue. 

**A/n:** Hm... More to the plot, tried to make this fic somewhat long. I'm think about the Kuja thing right now. He could be saved by some miracle right, or he can stay dead. Or I can do option number three and surprise you all near the end of the fic... Please read and review!!! 

Thanks to Eika, Reasa and Mogglish for reading the first chapter and giving your opinions!! 


	3. Chapter 3

A/n: Thanks to Mogglish, Steeple333, Kia I, Aerena, Laine Takamatchie!!! 

Some of your questions will now be answered! Mogglish- Yes I know of Chobits, however I have only read the first 4 manga. -.- Sorry. Steeple333- Sure you can, just give me credit in a A/n or something. 

**Just to Survive **

Mikoto glared her own set of daggers at the little tombstones on the ground. She had never experienced death before now. It did quite seem real to her, it was as if those mages, Kuja, even Garland were still living around her. 

She was frustrated with Kuja, she couldn't tell if he was still alive or dead. Where he had gone off to after she left him at the tree. Her teeth grinded, and she didn't even move as someone called out her name. 

Mr.288 called out again, taking another step closer to the silent Mikoto. This time she heard, and spun on him looking more or less sinister. "What!?" She snapped.

He went on unflinching to her mood, he had never seen her quite this angry, but he hadn't known her that long either. "Vivi is here." He remarked before leaving her.

Mikoto took her path after him, the little mage was important. To just about all of these things that where happening in the aftermath. He alone out of all the mages was proving to be stable. The amount of magic a mage uses the quicker they get to stopping. However Vivi, who used the most powerful of spells, did not stop. He still seem like the little mage who had come here before the battle. She regretted to think that he might have to be the last of his kind.

"Mi-ikoto?" A little voice suddenly queried at her. She looked down to see none other than the cute mage Vivi. "Some... Something happen?"

She was half tempted to roll her eyes and say no, however she held her tongue and shook her head. 

"Oh... ok." He responded, "Can I go see Zidane then?" 

"Of course." Answer Mr. 288 before Mikoto could get one word in other wise. She felt her eye twitch, almost hatefully at the way the young mage was lead off to see her brother. _Damit! Zidane's going to give him hell! And what do they expect of me?!_

She rolled each of her shoulders back and went to the small hut which was considered hers. She grabbed and pair of gloves with Adamantine laced into them. A small gift from Garland on the day of her awaking. Such items had almost no value on Terra, where the only ones to want them were gone. She smiled however, thinking to her self that she was lucky to have carried such things with her almost in constant so as not to be hurt by the monsters. 

* * *

Zidane fallen asleep again, he was surprised to see only a top of a hat and a hand poking him awake instead of the usual mage. _Short guy, didn't know they made them that small.... Wait a sec!_

So it was for the third time in only a few days he hit his head on the upper bunk.

"You ok?!" Vivi shouted.

"Gah.... Yeah I'm fine...." he trailed off rubbing his head and wondering why he hadn't learned his lesson yet.

The little mage's hat bobbed, and then moved back into a chair which was almost to high for him. "That's good."

"Hey Vivi, Mikoto told me..."

The mage interrupted, it seemed like he was prepared for this question well. "After Mikoto found you I was here, she asked me to go tell people. So I took off and went to Lindblum, the first people I met was your gang, Tantalus. I talked to... Um... Baku for a while and he asked me if that was a good idea. Cause you see everyone is really busy rebuilding right now. Eiko is staying with Cid, and Freya is gone with Fratly trying to round up all of the people they can to help restore Burmecia. Amarant is off some where, he just kind of left after we got back... That one girl Lain or something left with him. Quina is cooking in the castle now, and I don't think he/she really noticed anything. Steiner is kind happy your gone, but he's really busy with Beatrix on keeping the monsters down and the country running. Then Dagger, she's the queen you know. She has lots of paper work and things like that. She couldn't come and even say hi to me for a few hours.... But I think that they are trying to keep her locked up..."

"Who is?" Zidane said.

"Well everyone, she's even doing it to herself. She doesn't want to think about anything right now. Tot thinks it better to keep her that way till everything goes back to normal. So Baku asked me if I could keep you a secret, till things went over. He's going to come visit you some time too, but even they are really busy." Vivi shrugged his little shoulders, and looked at Zidane to see what he'd do. 

Zidane didn't do much, he seem slightly surprised to find that everyone had moved on so quickly. Or at least it seemed quick, he didn't know how long it had been since the fight... "Vivi how long has it been, since the Iifa Tree?" 

"You mean the big fight?" He asked, then answered. "About... two weeks."

"Only that? And they have forgotten about me?" He asked sound almost frightened.

"They haven't forgotten, just Dagger asked us all to not worry about you till you got back. So they all did." He moved his hat around on his head, like he always did when he was nervous or upset. 

"Oh." The words just barely parted with his lips. 

"It's going to be okay Zidane!" Vivi said before rushing out of the room. Leaving Zidane alone with his own thoughts. 

* * *

Freya smiled as she watched the small family of Burmecian's rebuild their old home. It helped her heart along. She was sadder now than she had ever felt before. It was strange, she felt sad, when all these good things had been going on. She was seeing Burmecia rebuilt, she was back with Fratly... 

Deep down inside she was sure that she was travel sick, or some such. 

She missed being around the others, having Vivi trip and fix his hat. Amarant pushing her lightly out of his way, and the strange disputes that Eiko would have with him. She missed taking with Dagger, or eating the food Quina made them. 

Most of all she missed Zidane. The way he would laugh, and chatter on. Set them up for battle and beam with pride when it all turned out well. She missed his cocky attitude, and the off hand way he talked to everyone. 

She, more than anything, wanted to speak with them again. She had gotten a letter from Dagger, not more than a week ago. It didn't fill the gap they shared however. 

Her tail flopped around behind her restlessly. From a little ways away Fratly could see how unhappy she was. Thus he wondered to himself... _What makes her so sad, that she must tire over all the happiness about her. _

It's a hard thing to do, to judge someone who has known you to the deepest point. To think and wonder who you were, and what has made you who you are today. _Freya must carry on her all the burdens of our past alone. I must carry nothing, only try to find some way of loving her. However I do not see her in the same light as I must have once._

Someday he would go off again, travel in the world, and not return to her. He did not wish to be around her so, it hurt him in some ways. As it also hurt her. He could not love this person, who had shared such a life with him. It was evil, and bittering to his soul that he must leave her, however to be around her was far to much of an agony for him. 

He turned around and headed back to the market thinking that he would join her latter. Or, he might not join her at all today. It might be better if he slowly edged away from her, it might be easier on her. 

A/N: Freya piece for the end of this seemed to fit fairly well! I have created my own FF9 fan fiction site, I shall UBER love you if you visit!!! Go now and submit your own fan fiction to my wonderful site!! 


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